The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
