ya dads aren't the best wingmen
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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