I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
