So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
