Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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