You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
