i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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