I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
