The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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