Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
