I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
