party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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