im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
