It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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