did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
