why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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