Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
