can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
40s are totally the cure
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
