Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
