my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
