So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
