You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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