omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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