I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
