Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My liver is preforming stress tests.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
