finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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