I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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