Barsexuality is the new black.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
