If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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