Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
