i think my tv is drunk
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize