I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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