I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
