Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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