We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
