I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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