either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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