This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
