my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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