You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He shit in the fireplace
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
