Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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