..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
