I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
