Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
