First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
