I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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