It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
