To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
