I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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