ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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