Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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