Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
