I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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