The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize