i can't believe i had my finger in that
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
