i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
