"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
