God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she pinky promised me she was 18
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
