one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize