Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
