Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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