Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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