Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you never un-have a 4some
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
