you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
