Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
