I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
