I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
