Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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