some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
