my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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