btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
sex in a hospital.. check
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize