I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize