I wish you could order shots online.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
