He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
