I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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