Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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