please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
