So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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