there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
