I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
