I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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