...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
