But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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