I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize