Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
