there's paper in my vomit.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
