rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
