____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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