Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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