I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
