If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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