i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
