let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
