Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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