After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
