also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
