Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
whose parrot is this?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
