i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
