Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
