I bet he comes in French.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
