At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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