She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
