forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
