Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
