see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
