First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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